The Job Market

I got this from my friend Sharon. She finds the funniest stuff.

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)

SICKNESS:

We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY:
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY:

In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. IF it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someoneyour job.

From, THE MANAGEMENT